Novembre Quattordici, 7:10 PM

Okay, okay. I’m so tired of this shit. I made my decision; I’m leaving that hell of a school forever. I’m not going back anymore, as soon I stepped ou after geting my transcrip of records

Someone read my entries and went on telling my classmates about this blog. Somebody even said that he pity me because I was so sorry for myself. For your information, I’m not sorry for myself. In fact, I’m proud of myself because I can stand being ridiculed for a very long, long time.

I GIVE UP. I know it’s not right to give up, but I can’t really stand it. I don’t believe what Jerry had said in a testimonial (meant for me, of course) in Friendster. I mean, I wanted to, but I just couldn’t. She’s nice, but she haven’t proved herself trustworthy. Here’s what her testimonial said:

”regine ive read your blog entries on wordpress. the entries speak much for itself. college life is different from high school.. you know.. people ditch… there are people to love and there are people to hate, its man nature. All you have to do is fight and survive… show them what youre really made of. you know, you can approach any of us. We dont hate you, in fact there are people, whom you believe hated you in any manner, saves you from prejudice. I admit, sometimes i do tell other people what i think of you but that doesnt mean i am back stabbing you because at the end of the day, its all just words and words doesnt have to affect you unless they are true, right? im not trying to be the good guy. life is what it is, just give your love to the people whom you think are deserving. don’t plant the seeds of hatred, you might reap things that are unexpected. no one is perfect, i know the difficulties of trying to ‘fit in’ trust me. give a little love and it all comes ba ”

That’s it, and I didn’t edit it.

Last night, I couldn’t open my Friendster account so I’ve missed the latest comments. I went to sleep late but I managed to get up early. It was planned, you know, because my professor assigned me last meeting to lead the prayer for this morning.

So I went to school, and arrived early. I browsed my notes because we’ll be having a short quiz. I was so absorbed with my own thoughts when Jerry arrived. As she sat down, she muttered something, but I didn’t catch it. I asked her to repeat what she have said. I’m glad she did. She said that she have read my blog entries. I was surprised, because I’ve never thought anyone would pay attention to what I do. And turned out that I’m wrong.

I don’t know what happened why I cried. It’s not like that I wept, but tears gently rolled down my cheeks. I was like, “really? You did? What do you think? Is it good?”. But I never get to said that. She complimented on it, and but she said she sent her comments (the real one) in my friendster account. I dunno why I showed her the flowers in my cellphone; maybe I thought I found someone whom I can share what was really going on with my life. To tell you the truth, I was dying to see her comments. I tried not to think about it and concentrate on the lesson.

The professor arrived and I stood up to lead the prayer. Before I could utter a word, she cut in and said that she has to go back upstairs in the faculty room because she forgot something, but she instructed me to lead the prayer and tell the newcomers to sign in the class register. I did what I’ve been told and sat back on my own chair. I was throwing mean stares at Mark, but he never stared back at me. It felt like what Harry felt when Albus Dumbledore refused to look at him, which was, at the end of the book, the most reasonable thing to do, according to Dumbledore. I’m not exaggerating, but it’s as if Mark refused to look at me because he’s afraid he’d see Voldemort in my eyes.

You might ask why I was throwing dagger looks. I kept on doing that because he might notice and stare back at me. If he did that, I’d ask him, “Mark, do you have a problem with me?” But of course, it never happened, for he was avoiding me like Albus Dumbledore did to Harry in the fifth HP book.

I attended theo class and we had a quiz. I think, I did great but what bothered me the most was the text message I received from my mom. She said I could transfer, and it’s up to me to decide whether I’d stay or go. So decided to go, not because I knew someone discovered my blog, but because, I can’t really stand being backstabbed. I excused myself and went outside to think twice about the decision I just made. I found myself heading to the registrar’s office, in front of Karen’s (SA) window. She asked me what I was doing there. I said I need a clearance form; her brow rose up high, and that mean she was asking me to explain. I said I just wanted to get of that school, but she didn’t believe; until now, she thought than I’d transfer because I have enemies. Um, slightly. I don’t want to refer them as enemies, because they’re really not. They hurt me, but I don’t consider them as enemies. Actually, some of them said that they’re one of my friends, and they really care for me, but they still stab me in the back. I told Karen that if I had enemies that meant to hurt me physically, I’d karate-chop them. She just laughed and wished me luck.

I went to the offices concerned about my transfering and had their heads to sign my clearance, then I went back to my room and asked the professor if I could go early. Without thinking twice, he let me go. Maybe, because I told Mr. Imbong that it was an emergency. Har.

I dropped at Jaimie’s, to see my cousin Sheryl’s baby. Aw, he was so cute. I went home rigt after and practiced piano all day and checked my friendster account and saw what Jerry said.

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