That One Night....

I just couldn’t forget that one night…….

I had a fight with my husband…. It’s been for sometime that we haven’t talked with each other. I’ve noticed some changes in him. He has not been his self lately.

It started when he took me out for a dinner date. I was kind of surprise. It was not him. But I was very happy at that time and there is a little doubt inside me that makes me nervous.

At the restaurant we’re into, the atmosphere is kind of romantic and the lights are dimmed. I’ve asked him what it is all about. He just simply said it’s just nothing but a dinner. I was really happy at that time. It was a dreamt come true for me. At long last, he really agrees on both of us should spend time together sometime.

But that little doubt inside created a chill on me. And I was not really at ease during that dinner. There is no significant reason for that. And it was the very first time since our married life that he asked to dine with me. And there are lots of questions and doubts running through my mind. I hate to entertain that feeling. And it was the very first time I’ve felt that way. I hate to think unlikely to my husband. I just don’t like it.

And finally after the dinner, I agreed to myself that it was really “just a plain dinner”. No conversations have been taking place. It was just me who do all the talking and he was so silent.

At my sleep when we got home already, I can’t stop thinking about it. And my heart really bits fast of the doubts. It’s really tearing me apart.

So the next morning, when I came to the office, I was thinking that he might fetch me late that night. If it will, meaning, he’s up to something. And so it did happen. Our office ends at 5:30pm and so with him too. It’s only a 15 minutes drive away from our office. I was already waiting in the guardhouse of our office at around 6pm but still no sight of him. I was anxiously waiting for his text that he might have other reasons why it took him so long to pick me up at around 7pm. Finally, he came at around 8pm.

When I saw him I’ve scrutinized everything in him. The way he dresses, the way his hair done, and the way he tack his shirt. It was all neatly fine. It seems like he had freshly washed his face. It was really unlikely of him co’z every time he went out of the office, he would change his shirt to a rugged house shirt so he would feel comfortable. But at that moment, he didn’t change and washed his face.

My doubts are getting me crazy. My knees are shaking. My hearts bits faster that it almost suffocated me and stop breathing. I haven’t stopped myself, but tears just fell from my eyes. My husband said why I should cry when he did not do anything bad and no woman for that matter. I was shocked co’z I didn’t say anything to him especially a woman thing. I told him there is a lot of reason to cry. So why would he think it was the reason that I cried for? I told him you were the one who feed me that fact and not me. It was kind of frustrating and I hate the thought of it.

From then on, everything’s changed. It took us 3 weeks not talking. And he just didn’t mind. I’ve been crying in sleep and even not eating anymore. But it seems like he didn’t care. I’ve been waiting for him to talk to me. I didn’t accuse him of something. I just waited for him to reassure me. But he didn’t make the first move.

Time came that I can’t take it any longer. It was really heavy inside me and it’s driving me crazy. So I did the first move. We were on the car at that time driving near my place when I was still single. I told him to stop the car just beside my school during my elementary days just across my place. I initiate the conversation but it seems like every concerns I’ve brought in he always have his philosophical reasons. I was already hysterical then, to my frustration I went out of the car and walk out on him. Incidentally, my place is just across the school where we stopped so I walk fast. And he followed me driving in the car. I’ve reached my mother’s home and hid myself in the room. Everybody is shocked then, I just came in there at 11pm bursting in tears but they never asked question. They just comforted me. It really feels great to be home.

My husband just waited in the car outside our house and just sits in there for 10 minutes and left. I thought it was the end of it. It’s going to be over. But I just can’t sleep that night. It’s been around 2am that I asked my sister to call our house to check if my husband was already home. But unfortunately, it was my father who answered the phone and said that I and my husband aren’t home yet. My father in law doesn’t know what happen then. I can’t help myself bursting in tears again thinking where he went and what might happen to him. I was very worried then.

So my mom and my sister took a taxi and accompanied me home. There I found out that my husband isn’t truly home yet. The car was not in the garage yet. I was already hysterical then. I don’t know what to do. I wanted to find him but where. He is not a night person. He is not used to going out during the night. And it’s already around 2am then. Where will I find him?

My mom asked me to go down in the taxi and asked me to go home and wait for my husband ‘til he gets home and they left. I was just sitting beside our gate and kept on crying. It was so cold that night and my contact lens in my eye started to look blurred because of my constant crying. It was then I heard someone opening the gate and it was my father in law who opened it. I wonder where he knew that I was just outside and about the trouble were into co’z he started to ask questions. It was my mom who called him up to inform me I was just waiting outside and about what happen. When we came in, my mother in law knowing of the problem started to be hysterical. I know then that she wanted to slap me and scold me but she just stop herself (I was just thinking of it) but she didn’t. She just kept on crying and worrying so much what might happen to her only child. Then, I noticed my father in law changing a street shirts and shorts on. He told me he’s going to look for my husband at Tres de Abril (name of a place here in Cebu City, Phils.) and so I went out with him bringing my mother in law’s mobile phone. When we got out from the garage my father in law asked me where we look for him. So we went right straight the very popular hang out on weekends the MANGO PARK. There were lots of cars parking on the gasoline station, behind JOLLIBEE (popular food chain in the Phils.) and around the MANGO PARK itself. I’ve managed to go down and search all over the place and even the parking areas around. It was kind of frustrating because the contact lens in my eyes started to dry up and I kept on blinking and worrying if it will fall and makes my search worst if that happens. Luckily, it didn’t.

To cut it off, we were not able to find him. And it’s been around 5am so we went home. At around 6am my husband came. I’ve asked him where he went but he just told me I don’t have anything to do with it and the right to ask where he went and what did he do and who’s with him co’z it was all my fault at the first place. I left him so he went. He put all the blame on me and I can’t forgive myself for it.

If I haven’t walked out on him that night, it wouldn’t have happened. Now, it still remained a mystery. It just kept on hanging in my mind. And it makes me nightmares. I just found myself sometimes in the middle of the night crying and wondering what happened that night.

It was just one night.. and that one night create a lasting impact and prolong agony inside me.. I just couldn’t forgive myself for doing it… still hanging… keeps bugging me.. and still remains a mystery.

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