It's Never Too Late to Start Over

Just over a year ago I found myself to be increasingly unhappy with my life. I was unhappy with my work, my relationships, my financial standing, the list goes on. I felt like I was at a dead end, and I didn't know how I got there in the first place. I hated the fact that my life wasn't going the way I had planned. I wasn't making a name for myself and hadn't achieved anything significant. In short, I was disappointed with myself for being a failure.

In self-pity, I said to myself that I'll never be successful in anything EVER. So, I quit my job, went back to my hometown to my parents, and wallowed in self-pity even more. I didn't work, didn't socialize, did nothing for almost 2 months. My depression was so intense that I even considered suicide. But every time that sinister thought creeps into my mind, I was always able to say, "No, I'm not done here yet." Yes, I cried a million times and often on my own. I didn't tell anyone, not even my family, not even my boyfriend. I kept the water boiling up to the point where the kettle just doesn't whistle anymore.

Then one day, my sister-in-law asked for a favor; to look after her five children while she's at work because her live-in nanny just quit. I agreed because I've always been fond of her children, and obviously I had nothing else to do. And that turned out to be the best decision that I've ever made. Starting from that day on, I went to their house every single day to babysit, and I slowly find myself being happy again. It wasn't obvious at first, but I began to notice that I laugh, talk, and crack jokes more often. My niece and nephews' carefree ways had somehow rubbed off on me! Glimpses of my former self began to re-emerge. And I liked the feeling!

I built up on that feeling and eventually managed to pull enough strength to start over again. I decided it's time to stop wallowing in self-pity and start turning things around for the better. I set up a freelance translation business at home, which was slow in the beginning, but it gives me a hell of a lot more satisfaction than the previous job I had. I re-built my self-confidence and began analyzing the causes of my previous downward spiral so that I wouldn't fall into that devastating trap again.

So here I am today, having a better outlook of myself and wanting to share more of this experience with those who care to listen. God knows the story is not that simple, but the fact remains; I survived.

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