Overcoming Crime, Guilt & Shame

Read the newspapers, switch on the radio or TV, is there a day that is crime free? Watch the most popular TV Program, what is it about? Crime, CRIME and MORE CRIME! Why is there so much emphasis on crime? After a while it gets hypnotic and viewers want to watch these best sellers more and more. Why? Sometimes it relates to finding sympathy, feeling good about themselves, etc., etc.,

This state can be due to an underlying sense of shame or guilt. Shame is similar to false guilt in that it is caused largely by someone who "shamed us" especially when we were young. That is, whenever we did something wrong, we got the message (verbal or non-verbal), "Shame on you." "You are a bad person." "You are a disappointment to me!" "I am so ashamed of you," etc., etc.
Such criticisms are psychologically damaging. As the old saying goes, "Give a dog a name and he will live up to it." People will too—especially if a person was constantly ridiculed, put down and shamed as a child.
True guilt says you have DONE badly but shame says you ARE bad. If a person comes to believe that he or she is a bad person, s/he will act badly. In real life we don't always act consistently with what we profess, but we always act consistently with what we believe. So if we believe we are a bad person, that's the way we will act.

When disciplining our children and confronting another person who has acted "badly," we need to "condemn" the deed NOT the person! Example: "I love you but what you have done [name it] makes me feel angry and/or very disappointed."

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