GLIMSESS OF FEELINGS

I am just trying to delineate a picture of a girl called "Rose" (its not her real name but a fake one I gave here)who is too good inside but people around her hardly understand at. This is her Diary that express her mind over the time. She is a lonely in the total environment of a crowdy city and burns slowly to the eternal motion of the life. I sacrifice this writing for her only and she is ours. The "trust" is basically lies on the belief and on the heart. Never it is seen from hell but heaven. I want to meet this imaginary (but real) girl in my heaven as an angel.

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A letter to MAMA

When the sun rises in the sky blurring the lights of the moon in the morning , I do remember you Mama. Mama, when the winter knocks my door very hard, when the cherry flowers are in the full-blossoms in the month of the lovely autumn, when the mountains starts growing the new plants in its heart, I remember you like a small girl sleeping in your lap. When the whole city falls in a deep sleep in the middle of the night and there is none who cherishes the beauty of the earth, and when all the birds stop singing with a melodious tune, your this small tired girl feels you so much with a sleepless eyes, it cries inside and it seems very hard to bear it alone Mama.

Mama, why did you have not taught me to be safe in the hands of the hyenas of the land? Why you haven’t taught me to live alone when you will not be with me anymore! This world seems to be very much unknown to me without you.

Do you see me Mama, I cry for you. Do you see me Mama, I am waiting for you. I need you my sweet Mama. Please come back to your small Rose and tell me that story of the Prince again. Please tell me again when the Prince of your Queen Rose will arrive here and touch my heart. I always wanted to visit the unknown world with the Prince that I always dreamt for it. When the Prince will arrive Mama? The Twenty-sixth winter is also over from the calendar of the glove. The earth has finished its journey around the sun for last twenty six times Mama, still I am waiting for the Prince but the Prince is yet to call me home. My heart cries in the shadow like a baby-deer who lost it’s mother in the shooting of a gunman, my eyes gets obscured with tears like a ocean having no limit to the boundary, my small body fears to the agonies of the firced-earth Mama. Mama I miss you everyday in the morning when I start my journey to the life, I miss you every night when I go for bed alone, Mama I miss you all the time everywhere. I am very lonely in the busy crowdy city. ...........

Did I dream an impossibility, which takes people away from the shore? May be your Rose does not have the power to break in the shore, the way the wave does it with full strength. Am I a dead wave to the shore Mama? I wanted to be a wave, which has the future and not the past. I traveled a long journey through the sea but could not break in the shore at all. I traveled through the passage of the time of the long lasted history of the ancient country but have not found a single stone to preserve it in my heart. I did not want something impossible from the God! Is there any God Mama? Where is this so called "power of God" stays, Mama? You told me, HE is in the heart of the people. He talks to people when people need Him. HE gives all to people when people need HIS help. Do the God knows my heart? Do HE knows what this tired girl looks for? I don't hate God and still I love God because HE has given me the power to hate Him too.

When I stand beside by corridor in the fallen-evening, I found people making things hurry to go back home as the birds are also coming back to their nests. I find people standing at the bus stoppage waiting anxiously to return back to their sweet home. But why I don't feel any strength to come back home? I know, I am that soldier who fights the war for the people but when he comes back home finds nothing waiting for him. I am that furnace who burns for the people and gets nothing except the hit of the lamp. God's mystery is cruel, He does not play with every one. HE plays with those who has no power to return it back. I am that prey to your God Mama. You are sleeping in the heaven, I don’t know what is heaven but I know the hell Mama. It is not warm, neither cold, it is beyond imagination. It makes people uncertain, unfair and unconditional surrender. I am still fighting. Be with me Mama. …….

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