Funny Quotes

Funny Quotes

A woman drove me to drink and I didn't even have the decency to thank her. W. C. Fields

Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you walk into an open sewer and die.
Mel Brooks

There's so much comedy on television. Does that cause comedy in the streets?
Dick Cavett

Everything ends this way in France - everything. Weddings, christenings, duels, funerals, swindling, diplomatic affairs - everything is a pretext for a good dinner.
Jean Anouilh (1910-1987) French dramatist, screenwriter

"Too bad that all the people who know how to run the country are driving taxi cabs and cutting hair."
George Burns

"If it weren't for the killings, Washington would have one of the lowest crime rates in the country."
Mayor Marion Barry

"Ah, yes, divorce, from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man's genitals through his wallet."
Robin Williams
"Never interrupt your enemy when he is making a mistake." Napoleon Bonaparte

"A woman's mind is cleaner than a man's. She changes it more often." Oliver Herford

"I saw a woman wearing a sweatshirt with "Guess" on it. I said, "Thyroid problem?"
Arnold Schwarzenegger

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