I ALWAYS END UP HOPELESSLY ROMANTIC!!

I have a huge crush on this guy; he’s 7 years younger in my age I’m already 31 and still single. It was already 1 ½ years ago but still he’s always on my heart..
I have never thought he would catch my attention. It sounds silly because in my age I still have a crush. Some said it’s just for the young at hearts. I didn’t believe in that. For me having a crush is just you admired something on that person. But for me it’s not just an ordinary admiration.
Ok let’s go back to my crush, I met him in a care giving school and it happens to be my clinical instructor in mental health. He introduced himself as a strict instructor especially in giving exams. He has so many rules. I don’t even bother I accept it as a challenge. The good thing is he’s cute and he gives his number to the whole class.
After that whole day I accidentally bumped him in the university belt. I’m the first one to greet him and I said “Hello Sir...”, He just smiled at me and we exchanged a short conversation about his class.
Everyday I always make it a point that I’m well prepared to his subject. I just want to impress him and I did. I even searched his name on the Friendster just to add him on my account and texted him. I could never think I could do that. I always follow my heart whatever it dictates. So much courage to say..
I feel so sad when I heard he’ll be leaving the school and applying for another job as nurse in a hospital. I know I would not see him often as it used to be.
It is much sadder when the subject finished I would not see him in flesh anymore, sigh.
But the story doesn’t end there; I always make a way to have an open communication to him. I always ask him about my assignment especially on Human Anatomy. Fortunately, he always response to my question and I’m always on the cloud nine whenever he gives me an extra time. Even though I’m beginning to fall for him, I still have limitations for my self. I know his standards. I know my position. I’m no longer young and I’m just a plain individual.
But I did something that ruin our newly sprout relationship; he dropped by to our class to say hi. I’m totally disappointed to his new look. I heard he’s just doing it for humanitarian reason. I know I would bumped him instead of greeting him I just ignored him. I know it was a damned thing to do and I think I hurt him.
After realizing my mistakes, I immediately texted him to say sorry for what I did. He just ignored me. Whenever he visit the school and we accidentally see each other he would always ignored me. It hurts badly on my part. I always blame myself. I thought the best thing to do is to delete him on my Friendster lists. I believe he knew what I did. What can I do he doesn’t accept my apology. The last thing I have heard about him was just he lost his cell phone. The trivia about this, the first time I saw him on the class I thought we have the same taste because we have the same unit of cell phone, almost the same.
I don’t indulge myself in miseries; I just focus on my self in studies. After completing my care giving units I have no news about him. I just go on with my life besides he’s just my crush.
One year and a half has passed and I have been to another places. I thought I already forgotten him. When I’m scanning my inbox on my Friendster account I saw one of his replies to me. At the back of my mind why not send him a message and I did. No response. I tried another tactic and that is to invite him to add me again. I thought he would deny my request but he accepted me. I asked my friends about this, they told me I’m so stupid to do that. I cannot blame them I respected their opinion, I did what I think is best for me. I thought..
Again I send him messages and even ask he’s new number. The thing is its different now. He just ignored like what he did to me before but sometimes he will replied to my messages only once after that nada.
I know he just add me not just to be friends with me. Maybe as an additional to his Friendster lists I don’t know.
I still like him despites of what he did to me.
I’m still hoping we could be friends.
I’m still counting and as of today I still texting him ask him about medical problems.
I do believe love is blind because you didn’t see the flaws of a person instead you accept who he is.
The problem is there is no mutual understanding between the two of us.
God only knows.
I always end up hopelessly romantic.
But there’s still tomorrow.
Let’s wait and see.

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